Somtimes you need power to do things you don't want to do or can't even do.
You have to do it, but there are things in your life which won't let you do everything necessary.
I can say, that I'm a strong person, and some people would even say there is nothing that could detain me, when I'm doing the necessary things, but sometimes, even without knowing, I have to see I can't do everything I want.
I have three attempts to do an exam, and when I don't pass it for the third time, I'll have to quit my university studies. Most of the time, I passed my exams. Just a few were a problem, which I could solve by writing it for the second time.
Now there is one exam I haven't passed for the second time, and I'm full of fear to write it again.
I don't want to think about what would happen if I don't pass it next time, but it's hard not to think about that.
Sometimes there are dark thoughts pulling me down. There is nothing that could help me then.
I know many people have those feelings. You can be the strongest person of the world, but when you are alone and you get dark thoughts, there is nothing but tears and fear.
When I have these feelings, I have to do something else.
When I was younger I read lots of books to be in another world. I was absent when I read and nobody and nothing could get me back until I wanted to be in the real world again.
Today there are more options for me to forget the dark thoughts. Mostly it helps to see a real good movie, to read a real good book (yeah that is still an option) or to go to deviantart and see some real good art.
But what if the art is part of the dark thoughts?
I have to visit some classes about art for univerity. I can choose between many themes, but it's not really my choice which one I get. I can be happy to even get a class. It's not really fair, because there is only one class I really want to be in, but the possibility to get it is maybe 20% .
The one I want to have is a Photography-class. I think you'll know why I want to have this class instead of many others...
I didn't get this class. Instead I got a class for painting and drawing.
I'm usually not that bad in drawing but I'm really not good in painting.
I went to the class just to try it and the way the 'teacher' wanted us to paint (there actually was no drawing), was not what I can do.
I have painted before, but mostly it was a kind of traditionalism or surrealism. I never made modern art and I can't do anything with it.
I tried to do the class but after three hours I was just depressed and I got nearly agressive because nothing really helped me.
After the class, we should write the teacher a mail if we want to be part of the course. First I wanted to try it and wrote her to let me participate. The teacher answered with more than rude words and told me I wouldn't even have any spatial viewing.
I'm going to be an architect so if I had no spatial viewing I wouldn't even be able to do my job. In this case this was more than an offense to me and I quit the class.
Now I tell myself, my 'teacher' wasn't really good and just wanted to insult me because she didn't like me, but there is this little thought in my mind telling me I'm not good enough to do my job and to be an architect.
It's a little depressing to get to hear things like that.
Now, whenever I see modern art, I have to think about these things.
What did I do to be happy again?
I could say I looked at dA, I saw my art and all the good comments below the pictures and was happy again. But I'm not.
I see my pictures and all I see is not good enough...
I see other things, and I want to be able to do the same.
I know, it's not true. I know my pictures aren't that bad, but I can't help myself...
I look at the art of others instead:
And here you can win many
3000 Point GiveawaySo yet again, I have sooo many points, nd I can't find a way to spend them (because no one's opened for commissions), Im gonna give them away so if you'd like these 3000 points then do the following c:
1) Favorite this journal so I can enter your name in
2) Make a journal about this (linking to this journal)
3) Post a comment linking me to the journal you wrote
4) Watch me
There's no deadline set in stone yet so idk but I'll be using Random.org (this is where favring the journal comes into play) so ye c:
Good luck ;u;
500 point giveaway !here is some of my art
hello I decided to do a 500 giveaway , please read all the rules
the rules are as follows:
me (All watchers will have their names entered twice )
this journal (must do)
write a journal about this giveaway so more people have an opportunity to see it and link it to me in the comments.
[ if the entries is more than 1000 the points and the winners will be doubled . that's mean it will be a 1000 giveaway for 10 deviants ]
:bulletpurple: Your account MUST be at LEAST 1 months old .. no dead accounts either
:bulletpurple: no point accounts, plz accounts or double accounts
:star: there will be 5 lucky winners :happybounce: randomly chosen - each will get 100 oints:
:star: the giveaway will close on 31 may .